Resting in Jesus' Lap

The second week of December I went in for my annual mammogram. I've never had any problems and as far as I know there is no history of breast cancer in my family but so many women are diagnosed every day, that I'm grateful my insurance pays for a yearly exam.

With the new digital imaging, there is no waiting until the x-rays are developed, so I'm usually in and out again in fifteen minutes. No change this year.

However, the next day I received a call from the Women's Health Care Clinic. The radiologist had seen something suspicious and wanted me to come back in for a different diagnostic mammogram. They had an opening the following day. This time I went in a little scared. So many women in our church had battled breast cancer, some several times. I prayed and tried not to worry.

After the second mammogram, I was asked to have a seat in the waiting room and the radiologist would talk to me about the results. The wait was very nerve wracking. I just kept praying and asking God to comfort me. Finally, I was called back to meet the radiologist. She smiled and then showed me some bright white spots on the screen image. She explained these were microcalcifications but she couldn't tell from the picture if they were benign or not. Her explanation is that irregular shaped spots or spots clustered in one area, such as mine, sometimes indicate cancer. She said she would need a biopsy to further assess the situation. I blinked back tears as I agreed.

Next I was asked to go back into the waiting room while they contacted my doctor to get the biopsy scheduled. Fear gripped me with tight fingers. I repeated the Lord's Prayer over and over and repeated Psalm 23 in my head. Then I began my conversation with the Lord. Isn't it wonderful that he can hear us when we are talking silently?

I told Him that I was afraid and that I could not handle this on my own. I knelt at his feet and asked him to take me on his lap and hold me. What a wonderful feeling! I felt His comforting touch and laid my head on his chest and let my worry go. I can't explain the abolute peace which overcame me as the fear washed away.

My biopsy was scheduled for a week later. During that time I didn't focus on the negative. I knew whatever happened God would be with me and all would be well. And it was. The results of the biopsy showed I have fibrocystic breasts and there is no cancer!

Resting in the arms of Jesus, I received the most wonderful Christmas present. In times of trouble He is always with me as well as in the good times.

Musings from my heart...

It's a new year! Don't you just love fresh starts and new beginnings? It's the one time of year where I sit down and take stock of what has been accomplished and what I'd like to see accomplished.

This year I had a shocker. As I sat down to write goals and pray over my writing and what direction God wants me to go in, God showed me something that still has my head spinning. You know, I've always said that I wanted to write to be a pen in God's hands -- to touch other's lives and encourage their faith. I believed that, and yet, gulp... I found myself judging my success (or lack of) by the numbers of books I sold. In fact, so much so that I'm ashamed to say, I became addicted to checking my books rankings at least once a day and sometimes five or six times – within a 24 hour period. (I know – nothing like overkill!) Why is it so easy to get our eyes off the goal and become so sidetracked?

I knew I was going to need some help. I told my husband and one of my sons, who was sitting with us at that time, about my desire to lay my books, once again, at the foot of the cross. It is still my desire to allow God to use them however He sees fit. I asked Glenn and Jonathan to help me stay accountable. They gladly said yes and we made a deal. So, this is what we came up with... if I look at my books more than once a week, I need to wash and dry the dishes when it's their turn. And you know what? Granted, we're only three days into the year, but it's kept me on track so far. :)

I realize without Christ, none of my "work" has eternal value. For 2012, I want to have a soft heart towards God. I want to completely give my writing – any and everything I do -- to Him. And if He wills, and it's time to move on from writing to something different, I want to be willing to give it up. For I know that when I'm walking in fellowship and obedience – that's where He will be able to use me to be His hands and feet and bring about His purposes in my life.

What does that mean for my writing goals for 2012? Well, I'm going to finish the contracted project I have now and then I plan on just waiting on the Lord. I'm confident that He will direct my path. With a new project in the works or not, if I can keep my eyes fixed on Him, it's going to be an awesome year!