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| Wounded Heart |
I was on vacation. Granted my husband and I weren't going anywhere. Two of our kids are grown and out on their own. The other two were both at camp for the week. We decided it was a great time to stay home and spend some time together. (Although why my husband thinks that cleaning the carpets was a good choice for a vacation activity I'll never know.)
Things didn't quite work out as planned. My oldest daughter fell and hurt herself and so I ended up spending my vacation in the emergency room and in doctor's offices and at work, covering her hours. (We both work at the local library.)
I kept telling myself I should be thankful that I was on vacation so I could be there for my daughter, but I wasn't feeling any gratitude. I told myself to thankful that her accident wasn't worse and that she is recovering. I did feel a spark of gratitude for that but mostly, I am sorry to admit...
I just felt sorry for myself.
I kept thinking of these verses from Psalm 109: But you O Sovereign Lord deal well with me for your name's sake; Out of the goodness of your love deliver me. For I am poor and needy and my heart is wounded within me.
I really, really did feel poor and needy and my heart was wounded. Not a good attitude to have but I couldn't seem to shake it. Finally I just gave myself permission to be upset. My vacation was ruined and I was exhausted from worrying. So I threw a little pity party. I allowed myself a few hours to boo-hoo and be crabby. It's no wonder those kinds of parties usually only have 1 guest!
It sounds silly but it really worked. Sometimes if you can't get over something, I guess you just have to go through it. Afterwards I started to think about how supportive my daughter's friends had been and how much stress they'd saved me from. A tiny seed of gratitude sprouted.
And you know what? My day got better from there. But you aren't surprised, are you?
4 comments:
I've had a few pity parties myself. Especially in instances like yours, where you are full of disappointment when things don't go as planned. We are only human after all.
Many of the Psalms are actually like that... but in the end his eyes are lifted heavenward it is then that he is able to give Praise to God.
BTW I'm glad your daughter is doing better!
You're right Kara, sometimes we go through things and it's OK to have a pity party - as long as it doesn't spiral downhill into something prolonged like depression.
And sometimes, all we can do is cling to the hem of HIS garment and say "I don't understand but I trust YOU."
You are truly gifted and blessed - your faith will see you through.
Thanks for the comments! And good news - my daughter is improving. I have no problem with gratitude right now!
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