Thursday, April 21, 2011

Healing Hands by Mary Manners

            My healing began many years ago, when I got married and wanted so badly to become a mother. After seven years of marriage, and countless visits with a fertility specialist, I finally conceived. At twenty weeks into my pregnancy, I went for a routine ultrasound. I still remember having a somewhat heated discussion with my husband concerning whether or not to have the sex of the baby revealed during the test. The utter frivolity of that discussion would soon be revealed.

            A few minutes into the test, the technician called for a nurse, who took one look at the monitor and then called for a doctor, who called in a colleague. As it turned out, my beautiful baby girl had a form of dysplasia, which causes stunted bone growth and a lack of lung development. I was taken to the delivery room and she was stillborn twelve hours later. Oh, I was devastated beyond imagination!

            The doctor counseled me to wait several months before trying to conceive again. During this time I questioned God. Why would He put me through this…someone who so badly wanted to be a mother? I struggled to be happy for my friends, who seemed to birth babies at every turn, without any problems at all. I felt defeated and yearned to hold the baby I’d lost. I also carried a good deal of guilt, and wondered if there was anything I had done to contribute to the deformities and stillbirth. The days were long, the nights longer, and doubts plagued me. I called out to God and waited for an answer. One verse I leaned on during this time was ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. But in all your ways acknowledge Him and he shall direct you path.’

            Nearly a year later, I became pregnant again, and I turned to God to vanquish the fears that almost consumed me. Would I have the same problem again? Would I lose another beautiful child? The same doctor who had helped me conceive and had counseled me through the loss, stayed with me every step of the way. I truly believe he was an angel sent from God. He delivered a healthy baby girl…my precious Danni.

            Nearly nineteen years have passed since my heartbreaking loss, and my faith has grown stronger with each step and breath I’ve taken over the years. I have learned that although I may not understand, God always has a plan. And on the days Danni and I (who just turned seventeen) fail to see eye to eye on things, I remember the blessed journey I traveled to have her, and continue to count my blessings and thank my wonderful Redeemer for His patience and unfailing grace and healing along the way.

13 comments:

Tanya Stowe said...

Mary,
Thank you so much for sharing this story! The heartbreak of a miscarriage is something few people talk about. Perhaps it's just too difficult. We appreciate you sharing!

Raquel Byrnes said...

What a touching testimony. The Lord is faithful, truly. Thank you so much for sharing with us.
Edge of Your Seat Romance

Mary Manners said...

Thanks you Tanya and Raquel. I appreciate you both so much!

Dora Hiers said...

Mary,

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow! Easy to say when times are good, right? Not so easy to live out during the painful periods of our lives. But, you did, Mary, praise God! Thanks for sharing your awesome testimony.

Mary Manners said...

Thank you, Dora. Yes, our God is an awesome God...always and forever.

JoAnn said...

Mary, this is a story and testimony so many women need to hear. Thanks for your willingness to be open and share this experience with us.

I'm so glad that God answered your prayers with a "yes" in blessing you with Danni.

Marianne Evans said...

Mary, you're amazing...on a number of levels! God bless you, and great post! I'm thrilled to be part of the White Rose family with you!

Delia Latham said...

Mary, what a beautiful testimony to God's faithfulness - and your strength! Every time I learn something new about you, I admire you more. Like Marianne, I'm honored to share the same WRP vase with such a beautiful rose!

My daughter has gone through a couple of miscarriages. Being there with her through the painful aftermath was heartbreaking, watching her question whether she'd done something to cause the problem, and wondering why this happened. It's all part of the healing process, I suppose, but knowing that certainly doesn't make getting through it any easier. The wonderful thing is that God always gives us some kind of blessing after every trial by fire. I'm so glad that, for you, it was Danni!

Mary Manners said...

Delia,

My heart goes out to your daughter. I pray that God will enfold her in His loving embrace and calm her fears and doubts. We are blessed to have physicians who can help and, hopefully, give answers and guidance. It's difficult, and not something easily discussed. But it needs to be, because women who are hurting in this way desperately need a loving ear to listen to their hurts and fears and a tender heart to care.
God bless you, Delia. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.

Mary Manners said...

Marianne and JoAnn,

Oh, I am so blessed to have such caring and uplifting friends. I truly feel that God led me to White Rose Publishing...and you! Thank you both so much for your encouragement and heartfelt words. I appreciate you more than you know.

Donna B said...

Thank you, Mary, for sharing your heartbreak and your joy with us. Our God is an awesome God, may He continue to bless you and yours as His will unfolds in all your lives.

Mary Manners said...

Donna,

Thank you. Our God truly is awesome, and I honor Him on this most blessed day.

May Good Friday's heartbreak bloom to Easter joy.

rprice489 said...

Heartbreak and tragedy are a sad part of life. Everything that has happened to us in the past has made us who we are today. Because of faith, you can cherish what the Lord has given you because of the pain of what has been lost. Love you Mary. thanks for sharing something so personal.